THE 2001 RSFC AWARDS, aka THE RUTSIES

There were some early voting problems, which created a problem with one ballot -- that of James Schrumpf. Since I was too lazy to type in his picks, I just figured I'd just use his ballot as a tiebreaker. It came into play twice -- you can probably figure out where. Now, James, you can truly say your life was meaningful.

Anyway, here are the winners. -dw
Divisions: COLLEGIATE | RSFC | HALL OF FAME
(* - designates winner)

Collegiate Division

Stanfraud Band Award (Strangest Play of the Year):

34 -- *The Syracuse lollipop incident
28 -- Auburn's out-of-bounds, forward lateral, interception of North Carolina in the 2001 Peach Bowl
26 -- Miami off-the knee interception return for TD @ BC
14 -- Colorado fake punt in Big XII championship vs Texas

Roger Pavlik Award (Team Who Most Just Knows How To Win):
59 -- *Miami
36 -- Oregon

The Kevin Steele Award (Worst play-call/coach of the year):
43 -- *Gary Barnett, Colorado, passing on the 3 at the end of the Fresno State game instead of kicking the winning FG
23 -- George O'Leary, Georgia Tech/Notre Dame, falsification of his resume
21 -- Mark Richt, Georgia, calling a running play on the Auburn 7 with no timeouts and under 30 seconds left
14 -- Gary Barnett, Colorado, ill-advised fake punt vs Texas, Big XII championship

Maginot-Saddam Award (Worst Excuse for Defense in a game):
48 -- *BYU allows 72 Hawaii pts
41 -- Nebraska allows 62 Colorado pts
11 -- Idaho and Middle Tennessee St's Div. I record 128 points
3 -- Auburn vs. Alabama

Eminem Award (Most Offensive Offense in a game):
56 -- *Arkansas (3 pts., 50 total yds) vs. Oklahoma
30 -- Va Tech (0 offensive pts., 171 total yds) vs. Pitt
9 -- Nebraska (14 pts., 259 total yds) vs Miami
7 -- Penn State (6 pts, 131 total yds) vs. Wisconsin

The Fifth Down Award (Worst single officiating call of the year):
53 -- *Alabama 14, Iowa State 13, Independance Bowl (ISU FG attempt that looked good to everyone but the officials and anyone wearing crimson)
43 -- Michigan State 26, Michigan 24 (the bonus second given to
Michigan State was a bit controversial)

Mr. Magoo Award (Most un-earned/controversial victory):
46 -- *Michigan State 26, Michigan 24
21 -- BYU 41, Mississippi St. 38
8 -- Syracuse 22, Va Tech 14

Da Golden Spur (Most arrogant/conceited personality of the year):
48 -- *Steve Spurrier, Florida
23 -- The Gary Barnett, Colorado
16 -- Joey Harrington, Oregon
12 -- Bob Davie, Notre Dame

The Nady Katsenmoyer (Dumnest Student Atlete of the Year):
42 -- *DeShaun Foster, UCLA (where did that car come from?)
30 -- Steve Bellasari, Ohio State(DUI)
29 -- Mario Kinsey, Kansas (Stole a credit card, bought a pizza on it)
1 -- Jabbar Gaffney, Florida (not sure why....)

The Boz Award (Best (or worst) Achievement by former coach or player outside of football this year):
36 -- *George O'Leary (The lies, ND cries, goodbye)
32 -- Adam Taliaferro (walking)
30 -- Nate Newton (More weed than what he weighs)
4 -- Tom Osborne (in Congress)

The Beano Kiss of Death (most overhyped player):
74 -- *Chris Simms
19 -- Eric Crouch
9 -- Ken Simonton

The SI Cover of Death (Most overhyped team):
74 -- *Oregon State
16 -- Nebraska
12 -- Florida

Gamecock Award (Most improved/turnaround team of the year):
75 -- *Maryland
15 -- Illinois
6 -- Colorado
6 -- Fresno State

Hatfield & McCoy Award (Best Rivalry):
28 -- *Army - Navy
22 -- Oklahoma - Nebraska
17 -- Auburn - Alabama
17 -- Florida - Florida State
9 -- Colorado - Nebraska

Rodney King Sceptre (Biggest Ass-kicking):
39 -- *Colorado turns Nebraska into a smoking crater, 62-36
23 -- Miami turns Syracuse to orange juice, 59-0
32 -- Miami spays and neuters Washington, 65-7
8 -- Miami runs over what's left of Nebraska after 62-36!!!, 37-14

PeptoBismol Tablet (Upset of the Year):
52 -- *Oklahoma State over Oklahoma
30 -- Auburn over Florida
11 -- Colorado over Nebraska
10 -- Pitt over Virginia Tech

The Whoa Nelly (Game of the Year):
44 -- *Arkansas 58, Mississippi 56, 7OT
21 -- Texas 47, Washington 43 (Holiday Bowl)
18 -- Marshall 64, ECU 61, 2OT (GMAC Bowl)
12 -- Tennessee 34, Florida 32
7 -- Penn State 29, Ohio State 27 (Paterno's 324th)

The ITCHY BUNG (Play of the Year):
38 -- *HB pass to QB Eric Crouch in the Nebraska vs. Oklahoma game
35 -- Miami interception returned for TD against BC
27 -- Karlos Dansby of Auburn's interception in Peach Bowl vs. UNC

The Cheatin' Bear's Checkered Hat (Coach of the Year):
63 -- *Ralph Fridgen
32 -- Larry Coker
8 -- Gary Barnett

RSFC's Heisman Trophy (Best overall college football player, ANY DIVISION):
35 -- *Antwaan Randall El
27 -- Eric Crouch
21 -- Joey Harrington
11 -- Ken Dorsey


RSFC Division

Posts

Best Feature (for best periodical posting on RSFC, e.g. Waylon and Willie or Two Daves):
37 -- *Kon-Sliki
26 -- Eric West's "X Teams left..."
20 -- Two Daves

The Weird Al Yankovick Award (Best song parody or poem of the year):
20 -- *(tie) "O Virginia Tech Where Art Thou" songs by James Kennedy
20 -- *(tie) "Sweet Mack O' Brown" by Chris Boyd
17 -- "Weregoats of Gainesville" by Paul Parks
11 -- "American Bowl" by Eric Enholm

The Deep Throat Trophy (for best fake news story of the year):
47 -- *"Chandra Levy in Tom Osborne's files" by Tom Rooney
33 -- "Steve Spurrier resigns at Florida" by Mike Coffey
9 -- "Ferrell Named Head Coach at Notre Dame" by Jefferson Glapski

The Red-Bellied Tickler (for best Bait on RSFC):
79 -- *"Ohio State: The France of College Football" by Jefferson
Glapski
8 -- "What.. have.. I.. done?" (My wife is DOMINATE) by Bryan Slick

Best Schtick/Catchphrase (not necessarily from this year alone):
41 -- *ODL. ($1)
32 -- WIT, RSFCC? ($1)

Van Gogh Award (for best RSFC inspired art):
40 -- *Vend-a-goat by Tony Rice
23 -- The RSFC Logo by Jeff Tindall
18 -- Icy Hot Coachez by Tony Rice

The Seamstress Award (for best thread of the year):
40 -- *"Thoughts Upon A Wishbone" by Harry Boswell
28 -- None
18 -- "Stay Out of my Inbox, Bitch" by Bryan Slick

The Ray Bradbury Trophy (best flame of the year):
44 -- *"Bryan, you're just precious" by Mike Coffey
27 -- "A Thought Before Plonking" by Vijay Ramanujan
11 -- "One last word for Chris Boyd" by Carl Banks
10 -- "Kokopeli vs Slick" by Dylan Wilbanks

Best Post of the Year:
47 -- *"An open letter to all teenage and early twenty-something white guys at my gym" by Tommy Rooney
20 -- "Colorado: Can This Juggernaut Be Stopped?" by Tommy Rooney
10 -- "Bryan, you're just precious" by Mike Coffey
10 -- "Everyone please rise" by Bill Lang
8 -- "A Thought Before Plonking" by Vijay Ramanujan

Individuals

The Stuck Button Award (Lowest signal-to-noise ratio):
42 -- *Hoover
36 -- Bryan Slick
14 -- Merry McGrath
6 -- ConnMoore

Bandwagon Fan of the Year (most fair-weathered fan):
34 -- *Deborah Abel, BYU
23 -- Bryan Slick
18 -- OU Big Red
16 -- ConnMoore

Ponderosa Trophy (most bandwagonning group of fans):
52 -- *BYU
25 -- Oregon
15 -- Miami

The Gilbert Godfried Plaque (Most annoying poster):
47 -- *Bryan Slick
27 -- Hoover
12 -- Merry
11 -- Hanlin

The Heiskell Trophy (Worst poster of the year):
48 -- *Hoover
46 -- Bryan Slick

The Pets.com Sock of Shame (for best sockpuppet, or poster who acts most like a sockpuppet):
57 -- *Merry McGrath
15 -- Hoover
14 -- Bryan Slick

Missing-in-Action Award (Most missed former poster to RSFC):
33 -- *Clark Moore
20 -- Gary McManus
18 -- Ted Smith
16 -- Red

Rookie of the Year (for best newbie to RSFC, Jan-Dec 2000):
30 -- *Bill Lang
27 -- Heather Maure Luke
23 -- Dylan Wilbanks
17 -- Peach

Mr. Science (for poster who has the best grasp of college football):
48 -- *Vijay Ramanujan
21 -- Chris Stassen
18 -- Jon Russell
12 -- Trent Woodruff

The Pescadero Award (Best Fisherman of the Year):
42 -- *Jefferson Glapski
41 -- Thomas Rooney
5 -- Steve Jaros

The Dolly Parton Award (Best Chyk/Womyn/Diva poster of the Year):
37 -- *Deb McKenna
23 -- Elizabeth
22 -- Colette D. Marine
11 -- Peach/WiNK

The Kramer (Funniest Poster of the Year):
57 -- *Tommy Rooney
19 -- Eric Enholm
10 -- Dylan Wilbanks
3 -- Vijay Ramanujan

The Golden Ballsack (for best poster of the year):
29 -- *Tommy Rooney
20 -- Eric Enholm
16 -- Jon Russell
16 -- Trent Woodruff
8 -- Vijay Ramanujan


Hall of Fame

There was some confusion on the Veterans Committee ballots -- some votes had multiple names, some were in a drunken scrawl on P1NK P0NY!!1! cocktail napkins.

However, I was able to make out six votes for four people. Two of them got two votes:
Deke Arndt
Jim Weeks

Regular balloting:
118 votes were recorded, top two gain admission. Results:

1. Eric Enholm, 19
Harry Boswell, 19
---------HOF cutoff---------
3. Jim Weeks, 14
4. Jon Russell, 13
5. Dylan Wilbanks, 10
6. John Rogers, 5
7. Scott Hendryx, 4
8. Bryan Slick, 3
9. Eric West, 2
James Kennedy, 2
Jeff Tindall, 2
Mike Coffey, 2
Thomas Rooney, 2
Tracy "Eggman" Sweat, 2

One vote each for:
Bill Lang, Bob Dieckmann, Chris Boyd, Collette Marine, Dale Bright, Darryl Spillman, Deb McKenna, Dylan Alexander, Hoover, Hugh Sullivan, Jefferson Glapski, JJ Clyde, Jo Mama!!!, Maria Pescadero, Mike Masin, Phil Harbison, Randy Peppler, Darryl Spillman, Ted Smith, Trevor Bauknight, Vijay Ramujaman

Now look at this list. Two votes for Rooney, one for Glapski, one for Vijay (misspeeled). They're in the Hall already, dumnasses.
READ THE DAMN FAQ!!!1!

Anyway, the 2001 RSFC Hall of Fame class is:
Deke Arndt
Harry Boswell
Eric Enholm
Jim Weeks

Most RUTSies:
4, Thomas Rooney
2, Jefferson Glapski
2, Hoover

This year's Susan Lucci: Yours truly -- 0 for 3 (and two misses at the HoF). Acknowledge my Harry Boswell-ness.

Final notes:
1. Slick had the most nominations (7) but only won one.
2. Rooney's 4 give him 8 all-time, tying him with Coffey for most.
3. Remember that reposting is good. I think the "good choices for nominees" lists a few people put out had a positive effect as well.

See you next year. Who's going to build me my database-driven voting rigger^H^H^H^H^H^Hsystem?
dw