2000 RUTSIES WINNERS
run by Dylan Wilbanks
There were 78 ballots cast this year -- a big dropoff from last year's 120,
but last year's peak was due to irrational exuberance by alt.sports.pac-10
expressing their opinion about Merry McGrath. One ballot was rejected due to
an invalid e-mail address.
Every category got at least 70 votes. 11 categories received votes from all
78 voters.
(* - designates winner)
Collegiate Division
Stanfraud Band Award (Strangest Play of the Year):
*27 votes - Colorado's high onsides that allowed the Huskers great field
position to set up a game-winning FG
26 votes - Chad Johnson of Oregon State, for his 74 yard TD that wasn't
25 votes - Mississippi State's block and runback of an aTm PAT in overtime
at the Independance Bowl
Roger Pavlik Award (Team Who Most Just Knows How To Win):
*37 - Oklahoma
28 - Washington
17 - South Carolina
The Kevin Steele Award (Worst play-call/coach of the year):
*30 - Bob Davie, cited for downing the ball on the 50 against Nebraska
instead of taking a shot or two at the win (ND lost in OT)
27 - John Cooper, cited for continuing to pile it on Penn State even after
Adam Taliaferro's spinal injury
11 - Bobby Bowden, cited for F$U's Orange Bowl lack of performance
10 - Pat Hill, cited for not kicking the game-tying field goal against AFA
and instead faking it and throwing for the end zone
Maginot-Saddam Award (Worst Excuse for Defense in a game):
*40 - Michigan vs. Northwestern
34 - Northwestern vs. Nebraska
4 - Northwestern vs. Michigan
Eminem Award (Most Offensive Offense in a game):
*46 - F$U vs. OU
30 - Northwestern vs. Michigan
2 - Nebraska vs. Northwestern
(looks like a majority of people figured this one out)
The Fifth Down Award (most un-earned/controversial victory of the year):
*39 - Michigan 35 Illinois 31
32 - Florida 27 Tennessee 23
6 - Purdue 32 Michigan 31
Mr. Magoo Award (Worst officiated game or single call):
*45 - Michigan 35 Illinois 31
30 - Florida 27 Tennessee 23
(memo for next year: make Mr. Magoo worst officiated game, Fifth Down worst
single call)
Da Golden Spur (Most arrogant/conceited personality of the year):
*25 - Bobby Bowden
23 - Steve Spurrier
21 - Butch Davis
9 - TH00PTH!!!1!
The Nady Katsenmoyer (Dumnest Student Atlete of the Year):
*32 - Reggie Germany, Ohio State (0.0 GPA?)
30 - Marvin "Snoop" Minnis, F$U (probably cost the Noles an MNC)
15 - John McPherson, Missouri (caught with 100 pounds of pot in his car)
The Boz Award (Best (or worst) Achievement by former coach or player outside
of football this year):
*34 - Adam Taliaferro, walking
31 - Rae Carruth, convicted of everything but first degree murder
13 - Tom Osborne, elected to Congress
The Beano Kiss of Death (most overhyped player):
*31 - Michael Vick
22 - Quincy Carter
17 - Chris Simms
8 - Chris Weinke
The SI Cover of Death (Most overhyped team):
*56 - Alabama
9 - Texas
8 - Nebraska
5 - Florida St
Gamecock Award (Most improved/turnaround team of the year):
*52 - South Carolina
12 - Oklahoma
11 - Oregon State
3 - Toledo
Hatfield & McCoy Award (Best Rivalry):
*28 - F$U-Miami
27 - Alabama-Auburn
22 - Oregon-Oregon St
Rodney King Sceptre (Biggest Ass-kicking):
*36 - Oregon St wipes from the earth any trace of Notre Dame 41-3 (Fiesta
Bowl)
28 - Oklahoma carpetbombs Texas 63-14 (@ Dallas)
14 - Nebraska vaporizes Northwestern 66-17 (Alamo Bowl)
PeptoBismol Tablet (Upset of the Year):
*52 - Toledo over Penn State
15 - Oklahoma over F$U
11 - Miami over F$U
The Whoa Nelly (Game of the Year):
*38 - Northwestern 54, Meechikken 51
21 - Miami 27, F$U 24
18 - Oklahoma 13, F$U 2
The ITCHY BUNG (Play of the Year):
*39 - Andre Woolfork's one hand catch off his feet and lying down, OU vs.
Nebraska
21 - Wide Right III, Florida State vs. Miami
17 - Anthony Thomas fumbles in the final minute, Michigan vs. Northwestern
The Cheatin' Bear's Checkered Hat (Coach of the Year):
*39 - Bob Stoops, Oklahoma
29 - Lou Holtz, South Carolina
6 - George O'Leary, Georgia Tech
RSFC's Heisman Trophy (Best overall college football player, ANY DIVISION):
*23 - Josh Heupel, QB, Oklahoma
13 - Chris Weinke, QB, F$U
11 - LaDanian Tomlinson, RB, TCU
9 - Michael Vick, QB, Va Tech
8 - RJ Bowers, RB, Grove City College
7 - Drew Brees, QB, Purdue
6 - Anthony Thomas, RB, Michigan
RSFC Division
Posts
Best Feature (for best periodical posting on RSFC, e.g. Waylon and Willie or
Two Daves):
*36 - Boilin' Hot Nit Picks
18 - Two Daves
17 - Waylon and Willie
(I guess the only consolation for me is that I was guest picker for BHNP)
The Weird Al Yankovick Award (Best song parody or poem of the year):
*20 - "Elian Rhapsody" by SNAMMP Pilato
14 - "It's Fucking Cold!" by Vijay Ramanujan
11 - "Gibbsification" by Chris Boyd
11 - "RSFC Carols" by Eric Enholm
10 - "To Weauxf or Not to Weauxf" by Eric Enholm
6 - "A Nittany Tune" by Steve Casburn
The Deep Throat Trophy (for best fake news story of the year):
*42 - "AP College Briefs" by Tommy Rooney
25 - "Duke University Buys Out FSU" by Jon Fulbright
5 - "America's Cup Scandal News" by Eric Enholm
The Red-Bellied Tickler (for best Bait on RSFC):
*35 - "The Palsy Defense" by Jon Russell and Jefferson Glapski
20 - "Is Steven Bochco a Racist?" by Mike Coffey
15 - Scott Harper's various trolls of ok.general
Best Schtick/Catchphrase (not necessarily from this year alone):
*27 - RSFCK! ($1)
24 - WIT, RSFCC? ($1)
21 - Gay. ($1)
Van Gogh Award (for best RSFC inspired art):
*37 - The RSFC Logo by Jeff Tindall
33 - Baulzack by Tony Rice
The Seamstress Award (for best thread of the year):
*30 - Important Dead National/Regional Restaurant Chains Nostalgiachat
(Archie Leach)
23 - My God (SNAMMP Pilato)
18 - Is Steven Bochco a Racist? (Mike Coffey)
The Ray Bradbury Trophy (best flame of the year):
*27 - "Worst Case Pushiness Scenario" by Mike Coffey (vs. Mommy Tyme Inc.)
24 - "I Hate Alabama"
20 - "The media gods smile on Nebraska" by Dan Bretta (vs. Ted)
Best Post of the Year:
*40 - "I Know What Bama Needs" by Tommy Rooney
22 - "If RSFC Controlled the Airwaves" by Vijay Ramanujan
11 - "RSFC Night at the Opera" by Eric Enholm
Individuals
The Stuck Button Award (Lowest signal-to-noise ratio):
*42 - Hoover
21 - M1EK Dahmus
13 - PFC Slick
Bandwagon Fan of the Year (most fair-weathered fan):
*35 - radiobuyer
24 - PFC Slick
16 - Doug Garber
Ponderosa Trophy (most bandwagonning group of fans):
*26 - Oklahoma
21 - Pac-10
20 - Virginia Tech
10 - Oregon St
The Gilbert Godfried Plaque (Most annoying poster):
*29 - M13K Dahmus
16 - Hoover
15 - PFC Slick
14 - Snorky
3 - Stephen Jaros
The Heiskell Trophy (Worst poster of the year):
*32 - Hoover
20 - M13K Dahmus
23 - Snorky
The Pets.com Sock of Shame (for best sockpuppet, or poster who acts most
like a sockpuppet):
*46 - Etienne
18 - PFC Slick
12 - Hoover
Missing-in-Action Award (Most missed former poster to RSFC):
*31 - Clark Moore
26 - Ted Smith
19 - Chris Metzler
Rookie of the Year (for best newbie to RSFC, Jan-Dec 2000):
*38 - Deb McKenna
21 - Scott Hendryx
16 - Red
(And Deb's been around for what, three years?)
Mr. Science (for poster who has the best grasp of college football):
*Vijay Ramanujan appeared on 71 of 78 ballots.
The Pescadero Award (Best Fisherman of the Year):
*36 - Jefferson Glapski
20 - King CUSA
15 - Archie Leach
The Dolly Parton Award (Best Chyk/Womyn/Diva poster of the Year):
*39 - Deb McKenna
20 - Red
18 - Lizabeth
The Kramer (Funniest Poster of the Year):
*40 - Tommy Rooney
16 - Eric Enholm
13 - Scott Hendryx
5 - Vijay Ramanujan
The Golden Ballsack (for best poster of the year):
*23 - Jefferson Glapski
21 - Vijay Ramanujan
18 - Tommy Rooney
12 - Eric Enholm
Hall of Fame:
Only four Hall of Fame members returned Veteran's Committee ballots, and
only one person was mentioned on more than one ballot: Tommy Rooney.
Regular balloting:
51 ballots listing 100 votes were recorded, top two gain admission. Results:
1. Thomas Rooney, 19
2.(tie) Jefferson Glapski, 14
2. (tie) SNAMMP Pilato, 14
2. (tie) Vijay Ramanujan, 14
5. (tie) Eric Enholm, 6
5. (tie) Dylan Wilbanks, 6
7. Harry Boswell, 5
8. (tie) Deke Arndt, 3
8. (tie) Jon Russell, 3
8. (tie) Ted Smith, 3
Since there's a tie for second and Rooney's already in, let's take everyone
in second. The 2000 Hall of Fame Class is:
Thomas Rooney
Jefferson Glapski
SNAMMP Pilato
Vijay Ramanujan
RUTSies won:
Rooney 3
Glapski 2.5
Deb, Hoover 2
Final thoughts:
1. A very balanced year -- looks like most of the regulars went home with a
trophy. The big exception is Enholm, who showed himself to be the Susan
Lucci of RSFC. (0 for 6?)
2. The Michiganification of RSFC is in full effect. Or is it just a hatred
of Meetchikken?
3. Reposting did help several people win RUTSies. Most notably is "Elian
Rhapsody," which I reposted. I expect Nikk to give me RUTSie visitation
rights. :) Anyway, remember to repost the best next year.
dw
--
Dylan Wilbanks
Seattle, WA
Don't blame me, I voted for Gore. I think.
RSFCKERS.COM is a copyrighted webthingy of the RSFCK! Web Network. All pictures, descriptions and accounts of this Web thingy without the expressed, written consent of Czar Bellomy and Jeff Tindall is heartily encouraged. Special thanks to SNAMMP Pilato for birthing this site.